Ughh...it's the worst feeling, isn't it?

That feeling that no matter how many times you say something, it feels like no one's actually listening to you.

Whether it's with your team at work who can't seem to get on the same page, a client who only wants to hear what they want or your partner or kids at home - feeling like you're not being heard is beyond frustrating.

I know this first hand. 

Super personal share, here.

I've talked about my marriage and divorce in the past but usually just in passing but because communication is such an important issue to me, I wanted to share this one quick bit so hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes.

After our divorce was final, my ex and I had a conversation about what we think went wrong during our marriage.

I recalled a conversation that we had when we were still together where I told him something was off in our relationship and we should work on it.
I remembered the talk so vividly because it was such a painful conversation to have and I remembered having to bring it up a few times. (Which to be honest, annoyed me. I mean, how could he not see how hard it was for me to bring this up in the first place?!)

Talking to him after the fact, he said he felt like the conversation was merely a comment in passing and he assumed I'd forgotten about it when I didn't bring it up again.

Didn't bring it up again!? What!? 

From my perspective - I brought it up like 15 times. I felt like I was screaming in his face. Like I was a total nag - something I promised myself I'd never be in a relationship!

From his, barely a blip on the radar.

All this to say,  no matter how clear you think you're being, no matter how you've communicated in the past, it's up to you to figure out how to listen and how to be heard.

Sure, this was a personal relationship, but we've all been there at work too. When we think we're being clear about our boundaries, our offers, our mission. 

When whatever we're trying to communicate doesn't seem to be getting through, we need to evaluate a few things on our end.

1 - We're Making it All About Us

 If we're constantly talking about what we want, what we need and how people can help us...trust me - people will stop listening. This is true in both business and home life.
One of my fav books that talks about this is Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People .
Try something as simple as asking about the other's person's day or what they've been working on or how their business is going  and be genuinely interested.

 

2 - We're Not Listening

If people aren't listening to us perhaps it's because we haven't been listening to them.
Sure we may hear them talking but are we really listening to what they're saying?

Try spending more time listening and asking questions next time you're talking with someone who you think doesn't listen to you.

Let them know you're not only focused on them but you're also interested in what they're saying. Chances are they'll reciprocate the next time when you're trying to get your point across.

 

3 - We're Not Being Clear 

Sometimes we think we're being super clear in what we say because we see things a certain way in our head but it comes out as a total jumbled mess! (Been there, done that!)

Or we're sort of beating around the bush because what we have to say is uncomfortable.

Both of these are a sure fire way to feeling like we're not being heard.
Focus on being direct and to the point. Think about the main points of what you're trying to get across and try to only focus  on that information.

Even if what you have to say is difficult. Just rip that band-aid off!

The way I see it, you have two options.

Nag the other person to death and risk feeling like a broken record or change the way we're communicating.

Spend all our energy creating content, trying to reach out and connect to our people in our business or change the way we're communicating.

If you're struggling with communication and getting your message out I'd love for you to check out the free summit I created for online entrepreneurs, professional creatives and anyone looking to stand out online.

It's totally free but only available until Friday 8/31. Sign up to get the links at www.thesummitofinfluence.com.

There's a few reasons why this happens:

1 - It's All About You

If you're constantly talking about what you want, what you need and how people can help you...trust me - people will stop listening. This is true in both business and home life.

One of my fav books that talks about this is Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People .

Try something as simple as asking about the other's person's day or what they've been working on and be genuinely interested.

2 - You're Not Listening:

If people aren't listening to you perhaps it's because you haven't been listening to them.

Sure you may hear them talking but are you really listening to what they're saying?

Think about it. When you feel like someone's not listening to what you say, you eventually tune them out, right?  

Try spending more time listening and asking questions next time you're talking with someone who you think doesn't listen to you.

Let them know you're not only focused on them but you're also interested in what they're saying. Chances are they'll reciprocate the next time you're trying to get your point across.

3 - You're Not Being Clear

Sometimes we think we're being super clear in what we say because we see things a certain way in our head but it comes out - it's a jumbled mess!

Or we're sort of beating around the bush because what we have to say is uncomfortable.

Both of these are a sure fire way to feeling like you're not being heard.

Focus on being direct and to the point. Think about the main points of what you're trying to get across and focus only that information.

Even if what you have to say is difficult. Just rip that band-aid off!

The way I see it, you have two options.

Nag the other person to death and risk feeling like a broken record or change the way you're communicating.*

*Super personal share, here.

I've talked about my marriage and divorce in the past but usually just in passing but because communication is such an important issue to me, I wanted to share this one quick bit so hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes.

After our divorce was final, my ex and I had a conversation about what went wrong.

I recalled a conversation that we had when we were still together where I told him something was off in our relationship and we should work on it.

I remembered the talk so vividly because it was such a painful conversation to have and I remembered having to bring it up a few times.

Talking to him after the fact, he said he felt like the conversation was merely a comment in passing and he assumed I'd forgotten about it when I didn't bring it up again.

Didn't bring it up again!? What!?

From my perspective, I felt like I was screaming in his face. Like I was a total nag.

From his, barely a blip on the radar.

All this to say,  no matter how clear you think you're being, no matter how you've communicated in the past, it's up to you to figure out how to listen and how to be heard.

FYI -

How to Win Friends and Influence People -https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034

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